I wonder when you will ever come to this page, to read about my past and feelings. If you are reading this now, drop me a text, I would love to know when and where you are reading it, and if we are still tgt, married or at which part of our life. I don't know what is happening to us now, but I will find my way out of this lost tunnel. Hopefully you are there at the end of the tunnel waiting to pick me up and willing to wipe of the dirt on me. Nah, you will never read this. What's the point of writing here. I can never tell you face to face too, things will be even more complicated.

I only come to this space when I have important things to do tmr. And yes, I have 3 test tomorrow.

It has been a year.

As what seen in people's eye. I had got better. Yes, life is so much better now. Graduated, has a satisfying income, someone who loves me, friends - not many but enough. I have moved on to a different stage of life now. I'm not able to use my student card anymore. My student card and admin card in my wallet are slowly turning into staff ID and credit card. I'm so super looking forward to see the world as an adult, living the next stage of my life.

Memories can't be erase. No matter how successful I think I am now, the past plays a part. For the past year, many people asked me what happen, why, how, who.. With my sky high ego, obviously I didn't admit my mistake and I simply classify the whole story into a word, cheat. Perhaps not physically at that moment, but I'm sure mentally has. Oh well, evidence is everywhere isn't it. I didn't lie. -That's how I perceived the whole situation was and suppose to be, for the past one year.

One year has passed, and trust me, I am still thinking that way. HAHAHAAH I'm not a saint writing here, trying to say that I realized that everything is my mistake blablabla. I misunderstood the whole situation and gonna write a apology letter to the male and female lead. *roll eyes BUT, trust me. I hold so much lesser grudge now. Maybe, just maybe, one day we could be friends again.

Sometime, I would reflect and think of who I am now and who I were in the past. If my past is a person, it deserve a tight slap. Thanks and no thanks to the past, I'm better now. I have learnt the hard way to know how to treasure my love one. Please appreciate if you are in my life now okay! Because I hardly say this, I love you bb.

I used to think that I have a lot of time to know his family, thought that why should I join their family gathering when I have to join them for the rest of my life. I thought I could have take things slowly, knowing one family member at one time, so I could be totally accepted by one of them before I move to the rest and slowly to everybody and finally become one of the family members one day, which is the wedding day. 

I have to blame my introvert character, or perhaps my family background. I don't know. I'm just not born to please people, to know new people and get close with a snap of finger. I wait.. Wait for people to invite, I never initiate, seldom. I love to get involve, but I hate to plan. I hate to face awkward situation where I'm left at a family gathering alone or getting teased by relatives and those fake smile around saying we have couple face. Well, I choose to avoid every situation like this. I'm silly. I kept thinking that I'm dating the guy, not his family, yet, at least yet, not now ya. Something cheesy would be, I want to keep things fresh. 

Yes, I dislike. But when I saw my face got replace by some other person in the family photo, it strike me hard that my face will no longer appear there. I no longer have chance of knowing those familiar faces. Then I realized, I have to treasure whatever I have now. Treasure the seat I have in the new family. Treasure you, your family. 

Now I know, I'm not only dating you, I'm dating the whole family, including your relatives, your family friends and even your lizard -.- It took me a big step. A step that I thought I can never step across. Thanks for bringing me over. 

I'm really grateful. Thanks for the spot in your family photo. Suddenly I have two mothers to dote on me. I feel welcome by your family, being able to hold your hand when I walk into your house, waking up to breakfast and surprise stuffed toy from your mama, having your papa to remind me to drink some milk while waiting for dinner, and many more. Most important, thanks for your love and care. 

I seriously hate both of you. Can you guys just disappear into the mars or even better, to Pluto. Leave the world that I am living in. If I have a gun and killing is not a crime, I would shoot both of you first. 

Not because I miss or I'm petty. But you guys took away the last trust I have in a human being. Remember how you promise and swear that nothing's gonna happen between two of you. Remember how she felt sorry for being in between of us. All hypocrite should die. 

Ok, maybe promise are meant to be broken. I'm just too silly and naive to believe what you have said when I was lying in your arm. Silly me, I should shut up and reflect now. 

Hmms, perhaps the last thing you could do is to keep it low. As underground as possible. Oh well, if it's low in the first place, I won't know it. So well, it's good. At least I'm not an idiot, still believing your words. 

Hi b,
If only you understand Chinese and listen to Chinese song :( and and if you ever found out I blog..

Night like this where you are on duty and I have zero connection with you, make me think so much. We have met for six months. From not knowing my name, til now, you can read my mind better than any one else. Thank god for your appearance, you not only bring me out of my wound, you cure it and put magic to it. Make me realize the real meaning of love.

We might not be perfect in other people minds, but I know I have found the true match. Not only horoscope say so, whatever you have done prove me. Thanks for holding me so tight, not letting go every time I want to give up. I need someone exactly like you, which will be by myself no matter how mess up I am, give me chance to think and correct myself. I promise, promise as long as you are holding on, I will keep trying.

Soon, reality will try its way to break us up. Please, just hold me tight and don't ever let me go.

One more hour to the end of 2013. A year that I grow and change so much that I find it difficult to recognize myself. I have never thought that I would lead such life last new year. I still remember how I spent my last New Year with my favourite bunch of people. Well, this year gonna be totally different. I did so much things this year. I have met many new friends. I don't know how long this bunch of people gonna stay. But I promise I will treasure everyone who comes into my life from next year onwards, no matter how long each and everyone gonna stay. 

 Perhaps not much of misses, more of remembering. I remember how we used to be. Many people ask me if I still talk to you. I said no. Yea no.. But a part of me still hoping that we didn't end so clean. Maybe a "hi, morning" or "how have you been" would be nice. But I'm grateful. Thanks for the oh my goodness high ego that I didn't send those message and resist all type of communication way with you. It's tough, no doubt. Waking up one day totally lost connection with you. But I'm thankful to the cruelty that reality gave me. I learned how to stand up fast. Hearing what you do and did, I'm grateful that we ended. You are actually not someone it thought I know and understand. Suddenly, you are a stranger. May you have a great year ahead. Hope that you had or would find someone that totally understand you. Please respect her and love her more than what you gave to me. 

 Many people say it's too fast. Who cares when you are enjoying your life while the other suffer. No matter how much I'm gonna suffer next time. I choose the way I live now. Soon I'm gonna graduate. And I'm gonna live my life which I dream of since young. I'm grateful to what happen this year that results in the way I'm gonna live next year. Sad? No? 2013 is the best year ever in my life.

First day that I stayed at home for the whole day after holiday started. Slept too much, so I'm having sleepless night right now.

Too many things happen since the last time I blog. Within this 3 months, I grown up, changed and realized so much that I never thought that these will happen to me. I really love my life now, hope everything remain the same as long as possible. I hope that my stupid brain and mouth won't spoil anything.

W:
It hasn't been long since I first met you, but you change me so much.You bring me happiness that I thought I could no longer deserve in my whole life. You help me up during the worst part of my life. I don't know how long we will be like this, I hope forever.

Forever, the word that brought me happiness but also burn me in hell. I only have myself to blame in believing this word, believing in fairy tales. That word really burn me up quite a bit. I gave up so much to uphold such believe, yes I'm stupid. I don't want to be stupid anymore, I want to live my own life. That hurts you a lot, I know. Maybe you are right, those three words should not come out from my mouth if I can't prove it. I have nothing to show you. Nothing.

I have absolute no idea of what I should do. I just hope whatever happening now can last a little longer. Just a little, not asking for forever.

J:
You taught me a lot too. Bombarded me with all the wrong things that I have been doing, and you have been tolerating. Thanks, I have been living in my own world for too long, living in the world that fairy tales and love stories do exist. I'm so awake now. No human, including you can give me that kind of promises. I learned it the hard way. In just a blink of eyes, we are strangers. I tried my best and I don't regret. Without your absent I don't know that I actually could live how I live now. I once thought that I can't live without you. I still miss the past, if anyone ever give me one more chance, I would like to take that route again but I would also choose to stop at where we are now. All the best